Soulmates and the true magic of unconditional love!

The true magic of a soulmate!

What do I mean by a soulmate? it's something, a term, a concept that people understand differently. If you read on you'll find out.

Firstly some background:

I'm happily married and have been for 22 years. 

My wife though isn't my soul mate. We, like many couples, have to work at things to keep the marriage going.

We love each other, we are companions to each other but we aren't soulmates.

Love is very powerful, but Lust and sexual desire can readily be mistaken for love.

Here is the story of how I discovered the difference between 'ordinary' even if deep, love, the sort that is common between couples, family or even very good friends, and soul level, truly unconditional love, that opens your heart and soul to unbelievable magic.

Some 7 years ago I met a girl, Rebecca, for the first time, we had known each other on facebook for a while and become social media friends but there had never been anything more than that. Meeting up with her in '3d' (or the real world)  wasn't for anything special, just a photoshoot with friends.

Immediately on meeting her though, it felt as though I'd known her all my life, things felt so comfortable with her, not something I usually experience, if anything I frequently still find myself nervous in the presence of any 'stranger' let alone one of the opposite sex.

There was no awkwardness, no nervousness, no stress, just comfortable familiarity, despite this being the first time we had 'met'.

The day passed quickly and beautifully.

Driving home I pondered on 'what had happened' - not having ever experienced anything like it before, I made the mistake of thinking that it must be because I 'fancied her', she was very lovely after all.

As I was happily married, this wasn't something I was entirely comfortable with.

Though we continued to be 'social media friends', I didn't make the effort to meet up with her again, something at the time I didn't really consider much, but something that I came to regret.

I had been aware that she struggled with M.E and being ill, something that very much chimed with me as I had suffered with M.E. very badly some 15 years prior to that, I was one of the few lucky ones who eventually made a near full recovery, though it nearly finished me off at the time.

I didn't though step in to 'help' as I might have done, even at the times I saw that she was struggling, as I didn't really know her, something I wasn't wholly comfortable with perhaps at the time, but seemed to 'make sense' somehow.

A few years later, she suddenly vanished from social media, at which point I realised that I didn't even have a phone number for her. I thought about writing to her, or even going to find her house again, but reasoned that she wouldn't want me turning up out of the blue, she must have her reasons.

Gradually though, as time wore on, I found that I missed interacting with her, I found that there was something of a 'gap' that I thought about from time to time. At this point I still thought that it was because I 'fancied' her, something I still felt almost guilty about. It was though, something I put to the back of my mind. 

The years that followed though, with COVID, a series of tribulations, losing my Dad, losing one of our beloved cats to cancer, ill health, through Long Covid and complications etc. found myself with little time to think of other things, but I found that, increasingly, I did think about her, I worried how she was getting on with COVID and the lockdowns, feared for her health, I found myself thinking of her more and more, something I couldn't really explain.

I'd met her once, briefly, yet even years later and years without contact, I still felt this compelling connection to her. Initially it was something I had found rather strange, even, as I put it down to fanciful or romantic feelings, something a little disturbing. As time went on though, I began to become intrigued, I began to almost sense her, be aware of her in some distant plane. I began to feel that sense of peace, comfort and being in a place of belonging that I had felt when I met her.

Then, earlier this year, suddenly, she re-appeared on facebook, and got back in touch. I was surprised how relieved I was, I was surprised how this made me feel, yet at the same time I had somehow known it was going to happen.

Rather more sure of my feelings now, I knew it wasn't lust, I knew it wasn't simple infatuation or desire, I still, very much, loved my wife and was confident in that and in the trust between us, I quite quickly raised these feelings with Rebecca. She confirmed that it wasn't all in my mind, she confirmed she felt the connection as well. She also confirmed that, as I had half sensed, she had had a torrid time of it, and withdrawn into herself and out of the glare of others. She was somewhat better, though still a long way from fully 'OK', but well enough and ready enough to re-emerge and re-establish contact with a few trusted friends.

She now lived in South Wales, rather further away than she had been, making it not as easy to visit.

I still though, was determined to visit her at some point.

We found ourselves talking regularly and at depth online, she started talking about her spirituality and beliefs, that she was a starseed, had lived multiple lives and was here, incarnated now, to help guide people as the consciousness levels of the Earth rise, as the veils in place to control us begin to be drawn back.

This wasn't something that I knew much about, it was something in the past I would have considered pure nonsense. It didn't seem nonsense now though. I knew there was some form of connection between us that I wouldn't be able to describe in the scientific or engineering analytical terms I was used to, so found I had to resort to mysticism and spirituality.

I've always been a spiritual soul, I've always loved nature and animals, birds, creatures. I've always felt at home and comfortable in the outdoors, particularly the coast or mountains.  I've always had an extremely active imagination and always been a dreamer. I had put this down to simple imagination in the past.

I'd always felt drawn to space, to science fiction, when I saw Star Wars when it came out, I ached to live in that universe. I wanted to be somewhere else. I wanted to live in the worlds I constantly dreamed about. I'd always felt that I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be.

As I read up about starseeds, I found so much that suddenly 'chimed', that suddenly 'clicked', I realised that I could well be classed as a 'starseed' myself. I suddenly realised that the very vivid, very real dreams that I'd had all my life could be something more. What if they were fragments of memories? what if they were glimpses of past lives that I had lived?

That made very real sense. 

I've always experienced the thinness of the curtain between 'reality' and that something else. I've always felt that I can sense things just outside of my vision. I've always had an ability, at times, to feel connected to distant people. To suddenly be aware of what they are doing, of knowing when I was going to receive a letter, or phone call from someone. 

I had never thought too much about this. I had a strong scientific and engineering background, that was my job, analysis of factual data to draw conclusions. I took little, if anything, on trust, preferring to research and discover the facts for myself, to form my own opinions rather than accept that what someone said was true.

I had always dreamed of things outside of science, of magic, of a world beyond science, of visiting places that only existed (so I thought) in my imagination, but put all of that just down to daydreams, to dreaming, to an active imagination.

I now began to believe that it was something more.

I started to get a clear sense of a number of distinct past lives, of living in the iron age, of living in the dark ages, having both lucid nighttime and daytime dreams that were crystal clear, that felt utterly real rather than the sort of mixed up, fluidly moving dreams that passed for normal. 

I started to notice that 'thoughts' were forming suddenly, and seemingly randomly, that these were clear not a jumble, that if I paid attention to them, it suddenly became clear that these were 'messages' or guidance, from somewhere, from someone, perhaps my inner voice, perhaps something else.

I began to pay attention to them. 

I then began to form a sense that there were two distinct 'characters' providing guidance. Again, a sceptic would say they were just internal monologue/voices but even if that were the case, it makes so much sense to listen to your 'gut instinct' to be guided by your heart.

I'd always been utterly fascinated by the legends of Arthur, of Merlin, being absolutely sure that Arthur was based on a real individual, my extensive reading on the subject leading me to believe that Merlin was also based on a real character, the Welsh Myrddyn, though the Welsh 'legends' are also ascribed a mythical status, there is more documentary evidence of a real person behind the myths than there is for Arthur. It began to feel as though the dark ages 'memories' were linked to this Myrddyn (hence, in part the name of my blog)

Each conversation with Rebecca became deeper and more fascinating, the connection, even without seeing her physically, seemed to grow stronger with each passing day.

Then in August, her beloved cat became ill, I felt the need to be with her, to help her, so, at very short notice, I decided I would go and see her, despite the 6-7 hour drive. One thing though, I made very sure that my wife was OK with this. I knew she trusted me and knew that she knew that I wouldn't abuse that trust in any way, shape or form. I'm also very aware how lucky we are to have such a trusting relationship, not everyone does.

So, after talking to my wife, then Rebecca, a few days later I found myself making a long journey to a beautiful part of the Country, in August, the school holidays, to an area extremely popular with holiday makers. Suffice to say that it was a long and tedious journey.

It had been 7 years (to within a few weeks) since I had last seen her, and there had been years where we had had no contact, I had only ever met her that one time, yet on her opening the door, it felt as though I was immediately somewhere familiar, with family. 

It wasn't the most ideal circumstances to meet again, but the couple of days we had was rather magical. I took her out when she had the energy, for a drive, just to get out and sit in the sunshine somewhere other than her garden. The weather was rather lovely, we had tea, ice cream, sat and talked and took in the beautiful scenery. 

When I was with her, I felt not only connected to her, but suddenly felt the connection I'd always had with nature ramped up to '11' and beyond. I could sense things I'd never sensed before, the movement of the trees as I passed, the changing sound of the breeze as it passed through their leaves, I felt their energy as we walked down a tree lined path, I felt 'open' to senses I didn't realise I had.

It was wonderful.

Rebecca was rather tired, the immediate 'emergency' with her lovely cat Brimstone had passed, so after a couple of days I headed back home, with an even more ridiculous journey. A journey that normally would have had me spitting rage and so stressed out, but I just felt calmness.

In the weeks to come, I would continue to sense 'messages', to sense feelings, from my 'guides', (or my internal voice if you'd prefer, if you don't believe) with a sense forming that I had a new direction to take with my life.

I am a photographer (though had a previous career in the MoD) I had been a full time photographer for 14 years. During COVID, during the lockdowns, my business suffered, it never really recovered fully. The advent of quality mobile phone cameras and other changing technology was changing the marketplace for portrait shoots, demand had been dropping for a while. I'd already realised I needed to diversify, to look at other things, but hadn't really been sure what.

I had been feeling listless, directionless, descending into a full on midlife crisis, feeling that the best of my life was behind me, that I had no more 'adventures' to look forward to. Not really knowing where I was headed. Facing 'retirement' looming without really wanting to contemplate that. I was recognising that my body was certainly getting older, and more creaky, and that I could no longer do the things I used to with the same vim and vigour, or even at all.

My mind though was still as young as ever, I got more and more frustrated, I had been more and more ill with Long COVID complications and was feeling very depressed.

A few short days in South Wales had worked wonders. I felt so much more alive again, with a new sense of purpose.

I suddenly felt the urge to set up as a Life Coach, this made a lot of sense. I have a huge amount of experience across several careers, both corporate and self employed, I was a qualified project manager, a qualified risk assessor, I had been involved in setting up large events, I had advised the UK and allied Governments, presented at International conferences, worked with International research groups, written and edited technical journals and books, then as a photographer been widely published and exhibited, worked across numerous sectors and genres.

I have suffered with anxiety all my life to some degree or other, at times severe. I had developed coping mechanisms, I didn't let anxiety get in the way (though it once did) - in short, I had much I could offer as a life coach.

It was also something I could do from home, both face to face and online. It made perfect sense.

Gradually though I sensed something more, I could also perhaps help on the more spiritual side of things. More and more people seem to be undergoing this 'awakening', of realising there is so much more to life than we are told.

Whether it be purely at a practical level, wanting to live differently, to be more caring for nature, to not slave for someone else to make them profits. To not take part in the rat race any more, or on the spiritual level, of wanting to believe in something different, something that places love, peace, hope, inclusion, cooperation, above greed, hate, preaching, dictating. Or those who were being drawn to 'new age' ethos, pagan beliefs, all of which are happening to increasing numbers.

I could help there to, I found I was able to interpret things in a way others could understand, with a background in science, analytics, engineering, I could perhaps make sense of things in way others couldn't, I had a new direction.

Rebecca and I started to openly talk about our 'love' for each other, something that should perhaps have seemed ridiculous, we didn't know each other, only we did. We had shared countless lives together, across the Universe, we knew each other at a soul level. 

We didn't have to pretend, we didn't have to change who we were in the presence of the other, to avoid giving something away, to avoid causing embarrassment, we didn't have to be careful. 

We just simply trusted each other, deeply and totally. We knew each other, we knew that we'd always be there for each other, for ever.

This wasn't lust, it wasn't 'romantic' love, Rebecca knew I was married, I knew I wasn't her type. Knowing that we could just both accept what we were feeling, we could trust our instincts, trust our hearts, open our souls.

We realised that, actually, we truly were 'soulmates'.

It's difficult to describe to someone who hasn't gone through this. It's not, as said romance, though in truth perhaps the only difference to 'romantic' love is that does frequently contain lust and desire, yet it feels more than just being family. Take your best friend, a parent, a sibling, elements perhaps of the love of a romantic partner, the closeness, the warmth, the intimacy at a soul level, combine all that that entails, multiply it by 100 and you might just begin to get there.

It is truly magical.

Recently I have been back to Wales, to see her again, for longer this time, staying at a caravan park, helping her out once again, helping guide her through some difficulties. We had the time this time to go further afield, going out to some magical places.

Going on adventures together, very much spiritual, meeting our guides in physical form, talking with the Moon Goddess, drinking in the power of Nature and those magical places, strengthening and building our bond still further. 

It was a week of silliness, magic, exhaustion, much, much more magic, powerful energies, dreams forming, growing. It was beyond amazing.

There are stories to tell from that week, things to cover in more detail, which I'll do in further entries.

We are 'apart' once again, separated by 'distance' but linked and together at the same time. I do miss the physical presence, the energy, of being with her, but it's not that gnawing ache you often get of being separated from a romantic partner.

There is an ache of sorts, it's though quiet, and offset by the warmth and strength of our connection.

I want her to be happy, I want her to be well, any love is truly and wholly unconditional. I expect nothing from her in return.

That is so so different from anything I've ever experienced before. It's liberating in ways I can barely describe.

There is no 'game' that either of us is playing. We can make plans for the future, we know that we may part ways at times, but that we will always rejoin. We know that we may both at times have other partners, and that is something to rejoice. I still, totally and wholly, love my wife, that is a very different love, magical in it's own way, and something I'll be forever grateful for. 

Love doesn't divide, love multiplies. Love doesn't create anger or conflict, it creates warmth and comfort.

We all need more love in the world. Love creates light, and that light will displace hate. 'We' are awakening, we are all on a journey of discovery. Having someone on that journey with you, someone to share the wonder, the, at times, confusion, the discoveries, the magic, is true magic itself. 

We all need the love of a soulmate.